My job, working at building my business, these things are not perfect nor unbearable. It’s somewhere in the middle. The good and fun times, learning new stuff aligned to my interests, making a big difference in the lives of clients, keeps me motivated to continue, and the challenging and stressed times throw me for a loop occasionally, even though they give me strength and wisdom. Still, I felt that just being resilient, bouncing back, the strength to suffer, was not working so well anymore, something had to change.
My Work My Medicine
For my wife, Kim, and myself, work is by far one of the biggest influencers on our lives. Not only does it consume most of our days, but we also depend on it for survival. Personally, It’s also my medicine. Having been unemployed, feeling unemployable, recovering from a failed enterprise, starting in a new land, meant that my work and succeeding at it, played a central role in trying to connect to my sense of value and self-worth.
When things are going well at work for me and Kim, and we’re a step closer to our vision, it has a positive effect on our lives. We gain a greater sense of purpose, hard times are easier to bear, our relationship and connection with others improve, as does self-confidence based on a feeling that we’re valued, worthy, important, and capable of anything.
So work is important for many reasons, but for it to play such a not so obvious, central role in overall emotional and mental wellbeing is just crazy. Work is just part of life, the two cannot and should not be separated.
I tell many people, including my kids – amazing young adults, that if you find yourself stuck in a job or a career that you dislike, complaining and staying in a devastating environment is not the solution. Change the way you think about the whole situation, and commit to change: do some inner work, go deep to discover what is the root of the problem, start talking to your friends, communicate your needs to your leaders, and work hard to change the job, switch careers, or work towards being self-employed. Have patience, perspective, and belief – it’s a long -game you need to play.
Walking the walk is hard.
We Have a Choice
I’ve realized that we all have a choice. David Emerald in his book on The Empowerment Dynamic (recently gifted to me – thanks Greg), says we can repeat the same old story, live a life of drama, of just reacting and making decisions based on a fluctuating role of playing victim, persecutor, or rescuer. The alternative is to take a much harder road, do the multitude of things required, day in, day out, to be a creator, challenger, and coach. This rings so true.
The realization, the aha moments were not and are not linear. I’m first to admit that understanding is not fully ingrained. Every day I find I’m lost in thought and the monkey mind; lizard brain takes over. Thankfully it’s not for the whole day. I take comfort in knowing that it is like this even for the gurus and people who you think are at the top of the game.
You Get What You Need!
My decision to change and commitment to making Work, Business, Career, and Personal Life, into just Life! an amazing fulfilling one, where I have compassion for myself, was brought about primarily by the universe placing some key concepts in my path. “You get what you need! – Mick Jagger”
These are the 3 key concepts I’m getting to grips with that help me immensely. I think these concepts, ideas, feelings, along with bad stuff, are deeply ingrained in most humans. Among the many broad ideas and ways of doing or being, these feel to be the most important to me.
- The struggle ends when gratitude begins – Thank you Neale Donal Walsh, and Kim for ramming this home.
- Mindfulness, Clarity on your Core Values, and Clear Focused Intention – Thank you Sam Harris and Dave Ramsey for elegant words.
- Extreme Ownership and the accompanying commitments to ways of being, how you want to live your life – Thank you Jocko Willink, Tyler, and Toni.
Life Is Right Now
I need constant reminders that life is now! Find things to remind you that you’re doing the best you can at this moment for the best possible outcome, but don’t live your life in expectation of the outcome. Love the process. If you keep trying, you’ll succeed.